And when I'm tired of playing this game called pride, I say to myself:
Don't be too hard on yourself, Sheena. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Pride.
It greets you everyday; sleeps with you every night. Without you knowing, it dwells upon the depths of your human nature, a nature bound to sin. It devours on what tinge of greed and envy you have, little or humongous it may be. It rests dormant, but it feeds upon your evil self, your black swan. Time will come and you will be surprised by how much it has grown; that without your conscious mind working, your subconscious self has been nurturing it with all its self-gratifying glory.
I speak not as a hypocrite, so I cannot deny that perhaps once, twice, thrice in my life, I let Pride take control of my judgment. A number of times there may be, that I allowed myself to be driven by the invisible forces of human ego. With my pride at work, I have reached that ethereal sensation of happiness. But perhaps during those times, I may have hurt people, or worse, I may have hurt myself without knowing.
In that instant when I have felt glory, pride overwhelms me with a sense of satisfaction, success. But as I look around, the smile in my face quickly fades. The happiness I have is an illusion, an imagery that my pride has painted for me. The people around me - despite their lack of glory - laughs with such purity of heart; their glee is genuine which is incomparable to mine.
I got tired of that battle that was lead by Pride. I got weary of the fight that was ignited by empty goals and ideals. And in those times when I was feeling solitary and woebegone, my heart wept. And in my weakness, I knelt.
I tried to face Him. I tried, but it took an eon or so before I looked straight to Him. I was ashamed of what I have done. I was ashamed that I let Pride take over me. I was ashamed because it took time before I woke up from that mirage of fallacy.
But He has healed my heart. And now, I am renewed.
Pride still recurs, but fails to grow as it did before.
Without His love, I could have not done it.
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Grammar Nazis, don't be too hard on me. :)
A piece of myself is what I share, because for all we know, we may be sharing the same thoughts.
I might be awakened, you may be not. That is why I write this.
I write this not to show-off or be flattered - because my writing is far from that.
I write because I want you to feel the intangibility of pride.I write because I have realized its great potential.
I write because I know that you have tasted glory, and that it has made you feel empty, once, twice, thrice.
I write because I have belief in your heart, and because I care for you.
I write because I believe in Him, and I believe that He loves you as much as He loves me.
